Whatever marriage is, it definitely isn’t supposed to be perfect or pitchy. It’s full of heartbreaks, tears, messes, Smiles, compassion, companionship, struggles, and happiness.
Marriage isn’t the wedding celebration either, it usually comes much later after that celebration. It’s not honeymoon either. Someone once told me that, “you can only be sure you’ve had a good marriage when you’ve lived together for 15 years, and are still together. They say relationships are made with consents, compromise, forgiveness, compassion, love and companionship. That’s what keeps you going when misunderstandings happen, when mistakes happen. You eventually let go of your hurts because you’d rather stay there than live without that person.
A man can be pumping into you this minute and the next he calls or chats a girlfriend up telling her how much he loves her. Or how a lady who claims to love you kissed another guy. That’s a blow. But you have to understand the person you claim to love. And you’ll know when, it just isn’t right, a person who loves you, will never want to see you hurt.
Every partner deserves to be respected and cared for. The lack of respect or care is what usually lead to separations. I mean even when you don’t love someone the way you should, respecting that person or caring keeps him going. Most times they don’t even realize the difference or change.
Respect and care is what propels you to want to understand your partner, it’s what makes you compromise on your differences and forgive in times of err.
A couple whose preference differ on the intake of pepper will have issues if they forget to care or respect each other.
However, respecting and caring for one another helps them to overcome their challenges. If the woman loves pepper and the husband doesn’t, she might forget every time, mostly because she’s always been eating pepper, it takes getting used to. The man has got to understand that and move past it. She on the other hand can eventually learn to add little of that while preparing the meal and more to her own dish.
Mostly men are the ones who are to be respected and the women cared for. But women deserve respects too, you don’t treat a woman like trash regardless of her past, and men need pampering too sometimes.
As you grow in your marriage, you learn by being observer and a good listener. Learn to connect the dots in your partners’ life, realize their weaknesses and never take advantage of them. And hear what’s unspoken. Saying “I am fine” doesn’t necessarily mean he/she is, you do the work together, and grow together. No one is perfect too, it’s delusional to believe you’re better than your spouse on any ground. It’s not about winning arguments but about getting past your differences.
Be understanding, care and respect, observant, forgiving, and love yourself too. You can’t compromise your happiness for a relationship.
And yes marriage truly is a rollercoaster. You might be on the high now, and sliding right down the next minute.
Remember, the time to Fix it is now.