The dynamics of the chemistry that exists between a man and a woman is one that is always changing. Over the decades, there has been a considerable shift in the understanding of what a real relationship entails and what behaviours [and traits] are considered exemplary as against those that are readily abhorred in a relationship. Sex is a recurring theme in the field of human relationship. Nations and empires have gone to war; brothers have become estranged; the cruellest forms of betrayal have been enacted, and life-long commitments have been gleefully entered into all for the exclusive right to a lay. The power and influence of sex, in relation to human society and engagements, cannot be overemphasized. Sex in itself is a gift from God. When done within the right context and condition, it is about the most potent form of bonding between a male and a female. Over the years, women have come to understand the immense power that the party who has control over sex wields and they have devised means to weaponise it by controlling the availability of and access to sex. Men too have risen to the occasion by coming up with ingenious means by which the ‘booby-traps’ which womenfolk have placed around sex can be safely defused so as to gain a purchase [foothold] in the intricate negotiations surrounding sex. Essentially, the scheming around sex cannot be exhaustively discussed. Now, many people, especially young-adults, have been preoccupied with the question of what sex on a first date portends for a budding relationship. Before we delve into answering this important question, we have to quickly identify and understand the factors that could contribute to sex happening on the first date. There are a number of reasons why sex can happen between consenting adults on a first date.

Long-standing friendship:

At times, people who have been platonic friends for long become incentivized to take things a notch higher into the realm of romance. When such people go for their first true date, the chances that they could end up in bed is a lot higher due to the fact of their peculiarity. The years that they’ve had to relate on a platonic level would surely count when things morph into romance, as a woman [on the average] would readily feel more comfortable with someone she has already known for some time than with someone she is just trying to meet. What more, comfortableness plays a big role in when—and with whom —a woman decides to go down!

Instant spark and chemistry:

We all keep, in form of a mental picture, a template [in terms of qualities and look] of an ideal partner that we fantasize about. Now, imagine if a girl was to meet a guy that checks most, if not all, of her boxes in terms of what she wants in a man, it is a no-brainer that she’d be more easily drawn to such a man and her usual defence/control mechanism would be very much lowered. As much as some may want to downplay it, chemistry plays a vital role in who people choose to get intimate with. It is more so with women; a woman may have a man who does virtually everything for her and treats her in ways few men can ever afford to, and yet she’d have no sexual connection with him whilst she literally dies to be with one jerk—who does not have the minutest hoot of care about her—at the other end of the neighbourhood. It is very possible for two people to meet this minute and be getting intimate the next minute if the right amount of chemistry shows up between them. After all, it takes just a spark to ignite a bucket load of fuel.

Desperation and post-traumatic scheming:

Women at times make decisions based on sour experiences from the past. We have read about rebound relationships and all of that, we also have ‘rebound sex’. For example, a woman who had been chaste and very uptight in a previous relationship which she invested so much in and unfortunately lost out at the end, may be prompted to start doing the opposite of what she was wont to do during the pendency of the lost relationship. This is usually as an inadvertent protest i.e. her semi-conscious mind is still ruing the loss of the relationship. So a woman may also agree to a sex-on-first-date because of her past experience. Also, it is not new for women to use sex as an agency in relation to their needs and desires. A woman can agree to go intimate with a guy on the first date if she feels, rightly or wrongly, that the sex would make the guy more amenable to her. Though a woman would usually not do this at first resort, but when a little bit of desperation [or urgency] is thrown into the mix, it could pretty much happen.

Happenstance; moments of carelessness:

Well, we couldn’t have left this out; there are a ton of events that happen out there in ways that defy explanation. So, we’d attribute such firmly to happenstance. Humans are fallible, no matter how strict a fellow is, there are sporadic moments of carelessness. Even machines do seldom have downtimes. Alcohol and psychedelic drugs can also be at the base of such moments, or, at least, be a contributory factor in it. Women and men have been observed to have a degraded control when under the influence of alcohol; a woman will particularly lose her inhibition, partially or totally, when drunk or under the influence of drugs. Now as we have made an attempt at understanding some of the factors that can contribute, partly or fully, to sex happening on the first date, it is now safe to delve into the very core of the question—whether sex on the first date makes or mars a relationship. The factors that play out in determining the course of a relationship are quite diverse. Obviously, however diverse they may be, sex [in its ramifications] is a major one of these factors. In a highly conservative society as ours [Africa], chastity is one of the primary, if not the most important, qualities asked of a woman. Men place so much premium on chastity that they might even be ready to overlook deficiencies in other areas so far as a woman is chaste and exclusive. Men have an inbuilt desire to have a woman and have her all to themselves only. It is a male instinct; male pride Lions on the glades of the Serengeti, or even anywhere, Will usually fight to the death to protect their access to a female(s) and also their bloodline. It is not so much different with humans. Ironically, while men have a predilection to look on a sexually-uninhibited female as undesirable for a long-term commitment, they [men] would, however, happily make a pass at most sexually appealing females. Men are wired to almost always be ready for sex, they will [if circumstances permit] demand same from a woman even on a first date—yea, men are that direct—without qualms. So, basically, the decision whether sex would happen on a first date or not rests more on the shoulders of the female, as it has been established that most men—men being the more sexually-available gender—would almost always not have a qualm with bedding an attractive female on the first date. The decision to buck [or not] at this ever-present possibility is mostly the preserve of the female. Though sex is one of the cardinal factors in a relationship, but it would be a too simplistic proposition to assume that sex is the only factor that determines the course of a relationship; there are several other factors that shape the course of a relationship in more far-reaching ways than sex could ever do. So it would take the combination of other factors for sex, on a first date, to have an overarching influence on the direction a relationship takes. To buttress the point that sex-on-the-first-date alone will usually not have far-reaching consequences on a relationship, let’s train our minds to the myriad of guys that are neck-deep in a relationship with ladies of questionable moral standing [hookers, prostitutes etc.]. I mean, if sex [on the first date] had an effect the size of its reputation, there wouldn’t be men trying to rehabilitate and wife sex workers. And please, the intention here is in no way about making it look as though every guy was on the coattails of a loose woman, but rather the intention is to free our minds from the fallacy that we have built around this important question. Without doubt, an average African man would be prone to think that the lady he was able to bed on their first date is rather loose. Curiously, it is not usually the case in the opposite; men are not necessarily inclined to rate a lady they had a hard and tortuous time with [before the inaugural sex] higher on the ‘scale of chastity’—at least, not as much as they’d conclude on a lady they bedded on the first date. The point to be made is, the ramifications of sex on the first date is typically too diverse for a standard pattern to be identifiable. It would depend on the peculiarities of the parties involved, the circumstances they are made to face and the fate they are dealt with. A relationship has a fair chance [at the very least] of working [sex-on the-first-date or not] if the parties involved are ready to commit fully to it—in sacrifice, in understanding, in wisdom and in love—and if fortune smiles on it.

Sex, on the first date, ALONE can neither be the tempest that capsizes the ship, nor the clement wind that gives pace to its sails.